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Self-control is one thing that most parents desire in their children. Many parents bring their children to our school for this reason alone. Taekwondo training definitely helps.

There seems to be a bit of confusion as to what self-control actually is though. Many parents seem to think it means that the child never acts silly and ALWAYS follows their commands. They think that it means that the child’s emotions are always contained and never an inconvenience. Unfortunately in an attempt to teach self-control, many parents inadvertently teach their children that emotions and impulses are bad and must be repressed. Whether you mean to communicate this or not, the complications that follow are a nightmare.

I believe that self-control is about finding the correct time to express our emotions and impulses. It is to be able to intercept our thoughts, feelings and impulses and quickly determine if NOW is an appropriate time to act upon them or not. In others words, the ability to NOT act based on our thoughts, feelings and emotions AT THE TIME if deemed inappropriate. This doesn’t mean that there is never an appropriate time, and that is the piece we need to make sure that we all understand.

When our oldest boy started kindergarten, I was concerned about his ability to sit still and focus in the classroom. His energy level was rather high, and sitting still was certainly not his favorite past time. After about a month of school, we had the parent/teacher conference. I went into the conference thinking, “Here it comes. This teacher is going to tell me what I already know. My son is unable to sit still.” I was shocked when the teacher said nothing of the sort. She told me that he was extremely attentive at school and able to stay on the tasks at hand. “My son??” I replied. “Are you talking about my son?” The one who is constant motion, running here and there all day long. Jumping over furniture, climbing the I beam, crawling under tables, up and down the steps, in and out of the house. I went to bed every night exhausted just from watching him.

So I decided I had to ask him about it. “Son, how is that you are able to sit still at school?”

Oh,” he said, “that’s easy. I put my energy in my energy box.”

“Your energy box?” I responded. I had never heard of this.

“Yes, everyone has an energy box inside them. If I put my energy in there and close the lid, it will stay for awhile. But eventually, I have to let it out. So when I get home, I open it up!” And off he ran, exploding with energy, turning the house once again into his personal obstacle course.

My 5-year old son had instinctively figured out self-control. To control yourself under the necessary circumstances, but then find the right time to go crazy!

Self-control doesn’t mean don’t be silly. Rather it means learn to decide when it is appropriate to be silly and when it is not. Self-control doesn’t mean stand still, but to decide when you should stand still and when it isn’t necessary. Self-control doesn’t mean don’t talk. It means be aware of your surroundings and determine when talking is appropriate. When should you open your box?

The benefits of self-control are huge. Each one of these benefits assists a child in handling bullying, an unfortunate reality in their world. Check out this list of benefits from Changing Minds -

• Healthier interpersonal relationships

• Greater popularity

• Better mental health

• More effective coping skills

• Reduced aggression

• Superior academic performance

• Less susceptibility to drug and alcohol abuse, criminality, and eating disorders

• Greater wealth

So how does Taekwondo help teach self-control? Many elements of Taekwondo are centered around self-control. It is one of the five tenets upon which Taekwondo was built. Each of our white belt students receives a rock that says “Self-Control.” This rock is a tangible reminder to them of the importance of self-control. They are asked to keep the rock somewhere that they will see it every single day. They receive a new rock with a new character word at each belt level.

Taekwondo teaches students body awareness. This applies to many areas of their training. It begins on day one when we start working on the ability to stand still for a reasonable period of time, a skill that challenges many youngsters. Body awareness is also a part of every technique the students learn to execute. For example, they will work on punching. When they first start punching, we focus on extending the arm and rotating the fist the correct way. As they get better at this, we work on more details, such as the position of the thumb, the timing of the rotation, and the actual point of contact. This same approach is taken with every kick, every hand strike and every block that they do. The constantly growing body awareness and body control leads to a never-ending improvement in self-control.

Taekwondo teaches students to follow a set pattern, placing steps in the correct order with the proper techniques. The patterns are about discipline and awareness. Students have to be aware of which stance and technique they are making as well as where each technique is to be directed. They are then asked to perform the pattern with purpose, demonstrating their ability to control their mind in order to stay engaged with each technique.

Taekwondo teaches students to control their power. Yes students are taught to kick and punch, but these are things they already instinctively know how to do. In Taekwondo, they will learn to do them correctly in order to avoid injury, but they will also learn to control them. In free sparring, they will discover how much power is acceptable and how much is excessive. They will learn to kick and punch without hurting the other person. While in board breaking, they learn to turn that power up and yet to control it so that it doesn’t overwhelm them and take them off target.

Taekwondo teaches students to become more aware of their mind, to listen and watch with their mind not their body. One’s mind is the most powerful computer they will ever know. We are far from understanding its full potential. In Taekwondo, students are encouraged to engage with their minds and to stay focused in the present moment. Distractions lead to you getting kicked unexpectedly. Focus is a necessity.

I encourage all parents to pursue a martial arts training program for their children. Whether the art is karate, taekwondo, kung fu or any other is not the question. All the arts are valuable. All have good teachers and bad ones. Find a teacher that understands the value of self-control and is willing to do what it takes to teach it to the students. Only teaching self-control is not enough. Teaching the value of self-control creates a desire in each student to be the best they can be in life.

Electronic devices are harming our kids! This is an appeal to parents!

It doesn't take much effort to find research and studies that show the negative effects electronic devices are having on us, including our children. Here is just a sampling of what I found.

According to CBS news -

“Screen devices wreak havoc with the brain's frontal lobe. Diagnosis of ADHD in our children has taken a steep rise since the proliferation of screen devices.

We didn't know this when we first brought these shiny new toys into homes. But, now, we do know. Still, adults aren't doing anything about it. Why? Because we're addicted. Addiction hampers judgment.”

It goes on to say - “Yet, art, music, sports, play, healthy meals and green space -- things we know help the developing brain -- are on the chopping block of school districts' budgets annually.”

An article from TNW shares -

The US Department of Health and Human Services estimates that American children spend a whopping seven hours a day in front of electronic media.

The ability to focus, to concentrate, to lend attention, to sense other people’s attitudes and communicate with them, to build a large vocabulary – all those abilities are harmed.”

The articles uses the following example - Unlike a mother reading a story to a child, for example, a smartphone-told story spoon feeds images, word and pictures all at once to a young reader. Rather than having to take the time to process a mother’s voice into words, visualize complete pictures and exert a mental effort to follow a storyline, kids who follow stories on their smartphones get to be lazy. The smartphone does the thinking for them, and as a result, their own cognitive muscles remain weak. When a child gets too used to an immediate stimuli response, he will learn to always prefer a smartphone-style interaction (immediate gratification and response) over a real-world one.

US News reports that increased screen time is associated with higher rates of childhood obesity, behavior problems, ADHD, poor sleep quality, poor physical activity and poor school performance.

Seattle Children’s Hospital Research Foundation posted an article on this in 2004 -

“Early television exposure in children ages 1-3 is associated with attention problems at age 7, according to a study from Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle published in the April issue of PEDIATRICS.

The study revealed that each hour of television watched per day at ages 1-3 increases the risk of attention problems, such as ADHD, by almost 10 percent at age 7.”

An article by AZ Central discusses the issue of isolation as associated with electronic devices. By interacting with friends, family members and instructors over electronic devices instead of in person, the child may be isolated and fail to develop normal social skills, like conversation abilities and etiquette. The same study pointed out that children may avoid social interaction or extracurricular activities to have more time to spend on the computer or a game console.

This topic appeared in the Huffington Post in 2015. It states-

“It’s no surprise that kids of all ages can get addicted to their electronic toys. That’s because every text that a kid sends or receives, every Facebook “like,” and every point scored during a video game creates a little hit of the feel-good chemical dopamine. This is the same rush that a drug addict gets from a hit of cocaine — and the same rush you get from having sex or eating a chocolate doughnut.

Heavy exposure to TV or other rapid-paced media may rewire kids’ brains to crave constant stimulation. So over time, it can get harder and harder for them to enjoy slower-paced activities like reading. For many kids, real life is a bore while virtual life is a high.”

Addiction programs now exist for technology addiction, and these include programs for extremely young children. Dr Richard Graham launched the UK’s first technology addiction programme in 2010, and only 3 years later he found himself treating a 4 year old with Ipad addiction problems.

As the article states, Dr Graham said that young technology addicts experienced the same withdrawal symptoms as alcoholics or heroin addicts, when the devices were taken away.

He warned that the condition prevented young people from forming normal social relationships, leaving them drained by the constant interaction.

So what do we do now? We might recognize that there is a problem, but still feel stuck because we don’t know what to do about it. First realize that it is never too late to make changes. Then commit to making some changes. These changes will greatly effect your life too. But the quality of your future depends on the quality of your now. Any sacrifices are investments in your own life and the lives of your children.

Ideas to get you started-

Check your own addiction.

Your children want to emulate your behavior. They don’t have the ability at their young age to decide if that behavior is best for them or not. When we, as parents, are glued to our devices the children become fascinated by them. They learn that these devices are more interesting than any of the world around them.

Model the lifestyle you are trying to encourage.

Model a lifestyle that has a healthy balance of quality family time, work, hobbies, exercise, relaxation, exposure to nature and community, and spiritual growth. This will take time and effort. But you must set the good example - no matter how badly you want to get on social media or play your favorite game. Resist! You are, after all, the adult.

Without giving thought at this point to your child’s habits, check your own. It’s a great place to start.

Some practical things to do -

Remove the TV from the bedroom.

Everyone’s bedroom, even yours.

Ban electronics from the dinner table.

Make mealtime an electronics-free zone – no TV, no smartphone, no tablet on the table. Remember, these rules apply to you too.

Put limitations on screen time.

Fight the boredom by making a list of things to do to keep people occupied.

Set aside play time.

Show your child he or she is more important than the screen, and do things the old-fashioned way. Play with your kids, and let their imaginations run wild. Take them to the park, a museum or help them build a fort in the living room.

Get interactive with your children.

There are times when screens are OK, but if you're going to use electronics, use them together as a family in an interactive way.

Help everyone find special places to enjoy nature.

Find a ditch among the trees, a hiding place under the trees, a rock that can function as a fortress or a sitting spot, a favorite walking path

Spend some time outside everyday

As you do, your kids will join you. Notice nature, pay attention to the birds, clouds, wildlife. Encourage your children to do the same.

Have equipment for outdoor fun visible and accessible

Keep frisbies, balls, tools for building forts, empty boxes, and anything else you can think of visible and handy. Easy access is sometimes all it takes for a little creativity to explode.

Invest time in a long-term endeavor

One of the pitfalls of the electronic world we live in is the desire for immediate gratification. Kids in general struggle with this anyways, but now we are living in a world that is making it much more pronounced. Especially when the parents are struggling with it now too. Find a hobby that requires long-term commitment and commit to it. What the endeavor is does not matter as much as the commitment to it.

To get you started in selecting one, here are some possible ideas - painting, rock collecting, bird watching, ice skating, martial arts, tennis, cooking, photography, etc.

Make some changes today. Don’t wait! The rest of your life starts right now. The investment is not only in your own life, but also in the lives of your children.

Go USA! May they hear our cheers all the way from Franklin, Tennessee.